LOST
BOYS? NEVEREVERLAND UP MY ASS . . .
Rumors have recently
surfaced regarding a string of child abductions among the members of the Krewe
of Drips & Discharges. There has been an ongoing series of strange
disappearances of young male members of the Krewe. In every case, the
victim turns up several days later telling tales about being lured to a place
called “Nevereverland”, some kind of abusement park located far away, in the
California hills. Their reports included frequent mention of “pixie dust”, faeries,
pirates, indians, and a strange man -- wearing only a single sequined glove and
ranting about sleep overs.
While details are still sketchy, some information has begun to surface. A
youngster, who we will simply call Michael, reported being under the influence
of a strange plastic-faced figure claiming to be called Peter Man. Peter
Man possesses a small ape and a huge ego.
M. spoke of battles with silk clad pirates, Wendy O. Williams’s
look-alikes, feathered Tiger Lilies and a band of street urchins searching for
their mummy. They were lamenting the disappearance of “Big George”, a
legendary Immoral figure reported to have disappeared to Nevereverland sometime
after last years Krewe du Vieux parade.
Rumor has it; George was last seen trading anecdotes with Fatty
Arbuckle. He also spoke of another man in a black wig, wearing tights,
and having a large fetish paddle in place of one of his hands. He was reported
to be running around Nevereverland, swinging his paddle at everyone and
screaming, “Just wait until I get you Peter Man! You will get it in the end!”
When Michael was found by authorities, he was wandering aimlessly through the
streets of the French Quarter, clad only in a nightshirt, slippers, top hat and
a silly grin. He claimed the trip was
quite a “Thriller” for a young man.
These events seem to have triggered a series of recovered memories for
recovering members of the Krewe of Drips and Discharges. Many have recently
been spotted roaming the Bywater, dressed as pirates and waifs, re-enacting
painful memories of childhood past and an abundance of Mardi Gras excesses.
They talk incessantly of probing, then suddenly burst into song and dance
numbers about Billy Jean King, disowning her amorous advances, and her claims
of Peter Man fathering her bastard child. The group is reported to be searching
for their lost youth and on a “Quest for Immorality”. There were also reports
of a covert mission underway in the French Quarter in search of one
“Tinkerbell”, a local faerie and source of rare, high-grade pixie dust.
Tinkerbell is rumored to inhabit the balconies at the State Palace Theater, and
to be a connoisseur of fine music and debauchery. Sources indicated she
could be found flying high around there sometime after 9:00 PM on Saturday, February
7th.